Porn Changes Sexual Appetites

Categories: Counseling

Shifting Sexual Appetites

Porn Changes Sexual Appetites

 

What happened to “you are born that way”?

Years ago the message about your sexuality was “you are born that way” and today we are all witnessing how sexuality is far more flexible. You may not be convinced but as a society it is changing rapidly. We live in a world of sexual saturation that is changing all of us. In a world where sexuality is fixed because you are born that way there is no need to fear a change in sexuality. However, in a culture of flexible sexuality with no limits there is a perverse danger that could devastate you, your family, and your community. The changes in sexual appetites is being driven by our consumption of the pornographic.

Miley Cyrus recently summed up the current sexual reality in our culture. “I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age. Everything that’s legal, I’m down with. Yo, I’m down with any adult – anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me.” Cyrus has told us all that she is horny, she has a need to be loved, and very low standards – no animals, no minors, tell me you love me.

My friends (straight or gay) don’t condone beastiality, child pornography, or snuff films. Based on new research, they might eventually and so could you or I. According to research on the use of pornography “Users tend to become desensitized to and bored with the type of pornography they use, seeking more perverse forms of sexual imagery.” (1) This ongoing quest to find more stimulating porn leads users to extremes. The motivation for continued use follows the same pattern as other addictions.

Porn as Entertainment

Porn lovers want you to think it is just another form of entertainment. Pornography changes the habits of the mind, and its use can easily become habitual, leading to desensitization, boredom, distorted views of reality, and an objectification of women. A greater amount of sexual stimuli becomes necessary to arouse users, leading them to pursue more deviant forms of pornography to fulfill their sexual desires, e.g., watching “depictions of group sex, sadomasochistic practices, and sexual contact with animals.”(ibid) It should be disturbing that the number one search term for the past two years on Pornhub is “teen”. (2) Does the search algorithm include 13 through 19? After a few thousand images run through the porn users excited consciousness, their sexual appetites are being rewired.

Porn has consequences that include:

* Decreased trust with partners
* Normalizing of promiscuity
* Cynicism about love/affection
* Shifting views about marriage
* Lack of attraction to family and raising children
* Sexually unresponsive

Porn has changed. When I was a kid we got our porn from Playboy. It was in a musty box under the stairs at my neighbor’s house. Some of those images are still stuck in my head. It wasn’t readily available or made to order. Today, thanks to the internet, porn is everywhere in whatever form your curiosity demands for as long as you can click, click, click. People don’t just click the same thing. They pursue more exciting material. This behavior exposes them to images that cannot be unseen. It normalizes extremes. It creates desire for things that destroy men, women, children, and families.

Porn is a Problem

There are many search terms that indicate a problem with porn. I think it is clear that as long as we want to protect children from molestation, “teen” is a problematic indicator. The number two and three big movers on the list “step sister” and “threesome” are also troubling. These are the up and coming issues in a made to order porn industry. These indicate changing sexual appetites. Imagine for a moment that your spouse is exploring porn that includes “teen”, “step sister”, or “threesomes”. This should set off a warning. Your spouse is being corrupted. Your marriage is at risk and sexual appetites are being altered. The marriage you have is being threatened from within.

The sanctuary of your home is under attack and everyone is at risk.
* Pornography is addictive. Neuroscientists are beginning to map the biological substrate of this addiction
* Users tend to become desensitized to and bored with the type of pornography they use
* Users seek more perverse forms of sexual imagery to achieve sexual arousal
* Men who view pornography regularly have a higher tolerance for abnormal sexuality, including rape, sexual aggression, and sexual promiscuity
* Frequent usage of pornography and masturbation leads to erectile dysfunction
* Prolonged consumption of pornography by men produces notions of women as commodities or as “sex objects.”
* Pornography engenders greater sexual permissiveness, leading to a greater risk of out-of-wedlock births and STDs(1)

Accidental Exposure

What do I do if my kid saw porn?

As the father of two I want to prepare my kids for the reality of the world in which they will live. They will be going into a world where 64% of teens do things online they want to keep private, 47% of High School students have had intercourse, and 54% of girls and 55% of boys have had oral sex (4). Parenting to prepare kids for this world must first accept the current reality and recognize the momentum of our society. I am concerned with how to prepare my kids for a world of perversion in which they face internal and external threats. The issues I faced were subtle. Today they are in your face. Exposure to porn, sexting, and sexual exploration in a world of “whatever makes you happy” is dangerous. Boys and girls are being exposed to porn around 8 years old as they become curious and use the internet to find their information. Start talking early and often. I don’t advocate for helicopter parenting but monitoring your kids online behavior is essential. At our home we all have a responsibility to ask about what one another is looking at and how that is impacting their inner world and relationships with others. Nothing gets posted without review and consent as a family.

If your son or daughter has been exposed to porn there are some things to keep in mind:

* Curiosity is normal. They are ready to learn age appropriate information.
* Porn is not a normal expression of sexuality or love. Porn deals in extremes.
* As a parent you must lead the conversation and education process. Do not leave it to porn or anyone outside your home.
* Teach healthy sexual expression and identity from biblical perspective, not your opinion.

Some things you can do as a parent…

1. Be the adult. Teach choices and consequences. Every choice has a consequence. You must be vigilant.
2. Teach limits. Phrases like “whatever makes you happy” are lies. The logical extension of this is to rob, kill, and destroy.
3. Discuss purity, corruption, and the loss of innocence.
4. Be transparent. Let your family know that you have struggles and mastering something requires teamwork.
5. Get help. Seek out resources to educate yourself, prepare your family, and resist a sexually saturated culture.
6. Close all open doors that give a sexually saturated culture access to your kids, home, and marriage.

Porn as a Habit

As an adult, if you find yourself habitually using porn you should seek help. Counseling strategies are designed to help you…

* Break your usage pattern
* Address your desire and impulse for immediate gratification
* Increase your awareness of the consequences of porn usage
* Establish healthy behavior patterns and communication skills
* Implement support strategies for maintenance

Hope

While it may be scary that your sexual identity can be corrupted and change for the worse, it is also true that your sexual identity can be clean and healthy again. Change is possible for all of us. If you have been contaminated by a sexually saturated culture and want help please know that it is available. Turn away from the problem and seek God. Find strength in Jesus.

At Leadershop Ministries we provide counseling and coaching that helps people win the fight of their lives. Call 865.384.4864 for the help you need.

Resources

http://www.frc.org/onepagers/the-effects-of-pornography-on-individuals-marriage-family-and-community

http://fightthenewdrug.org/this-years-most-popular-genre-of-porn-is-pretty-messed-up/

http://www.thrivingfamily.com/Features/Magazine/2010/mar/protect-your-kids-from-negative-influences.aspx

Author: Todd Davis, PhD, MFT, LADC

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