How To Win Your Wife’s Heart

Categories: The Fight of Your Life Blog

How To Win Your Wife’s Heart

Knoxville Christian Counseling

When Marriage Becomes the Fight of Your Life

When your marriage becomes the fight of your life, you need to be fighting the right fight.  Your spouse is not the enemy.  Marriage involves fighting together against those things that come against you.  It can be difficult.  The first few years are often the most difficult but later years at say 7, or 14 are also very challenging depending on the degree to which you have kept your marriage alive. Intense feelings of love and passion are no match for the hardships of life.  Grand romantic gestures twice a year simply will not be sufficient to win your wife’s heart.  You can make her heart responsive to you once again by connecting daily.  Here are 60 things a husband can do to connect with his wife (Love & Respect Dr. Emerson Eggerichs). At the end of the list we have a 30 day challenge to help you win your wife’s heart.

Closeness: Your Wife Feels Close to You When…
  • you hold her hand
  • you hug her
  • you are affectionate without sexual intentions
  • you are with her alone so you can focus on each other and laugh together
  • you go for a walk or jog…anything that results in togetherness
  • you seek her out…set up a date night…eat by candlelight
  • you go out of your way to do something for her, like run an errand
  • you make it a priority to spend time with her
  • you are aware of her as a person with a mind and opinions…let her know you enjoy talking with her and getting her insights
  • you suggest the unexpected…get takeout and eat on the beach…take a walk to see the full moon…park on the bluff and watch the sunset
  • you pillow talk after making love…lie close with your arm around her and share feelings and intimate ideas…and never be the one who turns on the tv
Open: Your Wife Feels You Are Open to Her When…
  • you share your feelings, telling about your day and difficulties
  • you say, “Let’s talk,” ask her what she’s feeling, and ask for her opinions
  • your face shows you want to talk, relaxed body language, good eye contact
  • you take her for a walk to talk and reminisce about how you met, or perhaps you talk about the kids and her assessment of their maturation
  • you pray for her
  • you give her your full attention…no grunting responses while trying to watch tv, or read social media
  • you discuss financial concerns, possible job changes, or ideas for your future
Understanding: Your Wife Feels You Are Trying to Understand Her When…
  • you listen and can repeat back what she said
  • you don’t try to “fix her problems” unless she specifically asks for this
  • you try to identify her feelings
  • you never dismiss her feelings, no matter how illogical they may seem to you
  • you say, “I appreciate your sharing that with me”
  • you don’t interrupt her when she is trying to tell you how she feels
  • you apologize and admit wrong doings or less than ideal outcomes
  • you cut her some slack when she is working through a tough circumstance
  • you see something that needs to be done and you do it without a lot of hassle
  • you express appreciation for all she does: “Honey, I could never do your job.”
  • you pray with her and for her
Peacemaking: She Will Feel at Peace with You When…
  • you let her vent her frustrations and hurts and don’t get angry and close her off
  • you admit you are wrong and apologize by saying, “I’m sorry, Will you forgive me?”
  • you understand her natural desire to negotiate, compromise, and defer, and you meet her halfway
  • you try to keep your relationship “up-to-date,” resolving the unresolved and never saying, “forget it”
  • you forgive her for any wrongs she confesses
  • you never nurse bitterness and always reassure her of your love
  • you pray with her after a hurtful time
Loyalty: She Is Assured of Your Loyalty When…
  • you speak highly of her in front of others
  • you are involved in things important to her
  • you help her make decisions, such as ones regarding the children, your futures, etc
  • you don’t correct her in front of the children, her friends, parents, etc.
  • you don’t look lustfully at other women
  • you make her and your marriage a priority
  • you are never critical of her or your children in front of others
  • you include her in social gatherings when others may leave their spouses home
  • you tell the kids, “Don’t speak to your mother that way!”
  • you call and let her know your plans
  • you keep commitments
  • you speak positively of her and the children at all times
Esteem: Your Wife Will Feel Esteemed When…
  • you say, “I’m so proud of the way you handled that.”
  • you speak highly of her in front of others
  • you open the door for her
  • you try something new with her
  • you give her encouragement or praise with kindness and enthusiasm
  • you notice something different about her hair or clothes
  • you are physically affectionate with her in public
  • you teach the children to show her and others respect
  • you value her opinion in the gray areas as not wrong but just different- and valid
  • you choose family outings over “guy things”
  • you make her feel first in importance
  • you are proud of her and all she does

A Leadershop Challenge

A Leadershop challenge is an exercise or drill designed to move you toward your goal. Leadershop Challenges focus on knowledge, skills, or attitudes applied in the midst of daily life that will help you live the life you love. In this way they impact our level of personal leadership.

Men and women alike, are willing to make a sacrifice for something worthy.  The way we tend to express these worthy sacrifices are vastly different. Men tend to have ideas about being a hero or doing some big act. But, as stated earlier, a grand gesture once or twice a year hardly wins your wife’s heart. Winning your wife’s heart does take a heroic sacrifice. Be a hero and make a sacrifice for her on a daily basis. You will win her heart and your marriage will improve.

Win Your Wife’s Heart in 30 Days

Try our 30 day challenge to win your wife’s heart.  To begin, take a few minutes to gain clarity about your marriage, your wife, and why you want to connect. Once you have seen this picture with clarity, take a few minutes and identify at least 2 behaviors from each category that you are willing to try.  Then determine to make an effort with each one. Put the task into your To Do list and set up a reminder for implementation. This will give you 12 days worth of exercises.

After 12 days repeat the exercise. Seek a new level of clarity, see this picture clearly, identify 3 behaviors from each category or create your own. This will make 18 days worth of exercise. Put these into your To Do list and execute your plan. At the end of 30 days you will have developed significant insights and habits into how to win your wife’s heart.

I would love to hear about your experience with this Leadershop Challenge so feel free to contact me through talk, text, or email.





Author: Todd Davis, PhD, MFT, LADC

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